1.1.10 – Magic in a Bottle/Jar/etc.

I was the unplanned mid-life child, which caused me to always feel like I was playing catch-up to everyone around me. I somehow got it into my head that if I could do what they did or wear the things they did, I'd be an adult and could then escape from my house and my parents. I borrowed a book from school and taught myself cursive handwriting a year or two before we were taught it in class. I would practice walking in high heels in my room, mostly falling over. I would try my best to copy the makeup of the stars I admired. I would also learn to like cocktails that I thought made me look mature and sophisticated.

Of course, none of it worked. Learning cursive early didn't get me any nods of approval at home or at school. The high heels were painful. The makeup certainly didn't change my life or get me out of my house, which caused me to stop wearing it in college, only reacquiring the habit in my twenties when I was looking again for a miracle that would change my life. The alcohol didn't help me; in fact it would upset my sleep cycle, causing me to be awake all night. When you're already unhappy with your life, the last thing you need is to be awake all night. As I've gotten older, my system became more sensitive to stimulants and depressants, causing alcohol to make me anxious, so I stopped drinking.

I guess my point is that there is no magic in a bottle or jar of cream or high heels or anything else, although as I begin seeing more lines on my face, I may start looking for it again.