11.22.09 – No Assembly Required

I can say I did have a lovely, if a bit strange, birthday and deeply appreciate the kind birthday wishes I’ve received. I’m working on a film project that involves the use of gingerbread. I am not a domestic goddess, but thankfully my friend, Judith, who is far more Martha Stewart-like than me, came up for my birthday and helped me put together a gingerbread house. This ended up being far more challenging than either of us realized.

I have always liked kits and have bought many over the years, fantasizing about being the kind of person who could do string art, build a doll’s house, or even make a paper camera. The trouble is that I buy them and then put them aside for later, and never get to them, so I didn’t quite realize that when a package says that it includes everything and that it’s easy to assemble, it’s not really true.

We began by my friend whittling down the pieces to make them even. Since my tai chi instructor is always telling me I’m not straight, it seemed best for her to do this. Then came the royal icing. I can give you a tip if you are thinking about making a gingerbread house – don’t use royal icing. I have no video footage of this process because the mix went everywhere and I very quickly decided to move the camera to safety. After umpteen more tablespoons of water than the mix stated we use and the two of us taking turns with the hand mixer, it finally came together enough to use and it did miraculously (so far) hold the house together. Later that night we went online and searched and found a link from a woman, who after years of trouble building these houses, started using a glue gun and caulk instead of the icing. Who knew? I can tell you I would have no interest in eating this gingerbread house, so I wish I had used more user-friendly products. I am still picking up little balls of confectioners sugar everywhere.

We then had to leave the house to set for 2-3 hours, which, as it was late in the evening, we decided to leave the decorating to morning. My friend is an early riser, so she went ahead and added the layer of icing to coat the roof and left me to decorate after I became conscious. Dipping the candies in the bowl of icing instead of using the pastry bag is a far easier process. Judith cut the candies to make the wreath, as I couldn’t keep the pieces unstuck to my finger, and I was sick of the whole thing by then. I’m hoping the house stays together long enough for the film. Then it will be ritualistically mutilated.

I thought I’d share a little of this fun-filled birthday with you by showing the finished product with some of the censored audio.

Please note there are snips of profanity, which is not surprising.