Thursday, April 15, 2010
4.15.10 – Are you looking at me?
Like most women, I’m a bit insecure about how I look. As I discovered in my recent apartment chaos, I have a wide range of sizes of clothes due to the wide range of sizes I’m been over the years. I recall when I lost quite a bit of weight years ago, it first felt good having men look at me again, then after a while it became uncomfortable. I’m in the process of losing weight again after the gain due to mobility and pain issues with the car accidents, but this time I think I’m past being concerned about the looks and what they mean.
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This is such a huge issue in most of our lives.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was young and travelling in Europe, I remember looking forward to the time when I was an older woman and wouldn't feel so insecure about having a female body (abroad I felt it more keenly, but also felt insecure at home too).
Now I am finally there--a million times less concerned about it all.
And of course with grey hair and middle-age spread I feel "safe" anywhere in the world because men aren't looking at me in that same way.
This invisibility can be a huge loss to women who are used to getting satisfaction from being seen as sexually attractive,
but to me it's been a relief.
Each to her own.
I think the problem was I was invisible a goodly part of my life -- overweight enough to not garner ridicule, but not have positive attention either. I'm still trying my hardest to defy aging. Still, I keep trying to stay focused on what matters to me and not what others think.
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