12.2.09 – Going Back in Time

While I didn’t mind my recent birthday, I haven’t quite come to terms with the number I now have. I’ve either hedged around as people have asked how old I am or lied, although I didn’t realize it at the time. Last year I felt I deserved a do-over and this year seems to be worthy of one as well, which has made me slightly confused. I only seem to feel older when the weather changes, and that’s more due to my car accidents over this past year and a half than aging.

What also causes me pains involving my age is being around men. I made a number of really bad choices in the past – not bad men, but bad for me. Due to this and a number of transitions going on in my life, I decided to take myself off the market for a while. I feel more strong and focused now, and less likely to make the same mistakes, so have begun to reactivate my senses. The whole “cougar” concept (older woman-younger man) seemed amusing, as I kept meeting younger men, but I can’t imagine dating someone who wasn’t born when the first Star Wars movie came out.

It would be so much easier if we could experience life like Benjamin Button – starting old and then getting younger and younger.