6.12.10 – Never ending Nostalgia

Some things are easier said than done. I swore I was going to stop looking up high school and college classmates on Facebook, but I kept being compelled to do it, which then made me feel creepy enough to put my own high school and college info up. I then did what I hadn’t done in probably twenty years – look at my high school senior yearbook. What’s weird is that even though most of the people were peers at best to me, they consumed so much of my world at that time. I wanted to be like them or be friends with them, yet many of them I just vaguely remember now. Some I remember, and even remember the classes we were in, but I can’t seem to recall certain events mentioned in the yearbook. Time definitely makes things fuzzy.

I think what keeps drawing me back to this time is that I actually enjoyed high school, especially my senior year. It gave me a certain structure I needed, plus provided me an escape from my family. I had finally gotten into the “right” honors classes, as my mother had been oblivious to tests to be taken before entering the school. It also seemed that my intimidation of the classmates who were far prettier than I was (I was in a prolonged awkward phase) and far richer caused me to become more and more reserved. This seemed to intrigue some of them and even make them believe I was calm and confident, as a few noted in my yearbook (if they only knew!).

Part of me wishes I could go back to this time, with what I know now. They might not think me so calm and confident, but I think there might have been more opportunities for relationships than I thought possible in my naïve youth. I’d also like to go back to reclaim all that insane belief in endless possibilities I had at that time. I was so stubborn and unwilling to believe my family or my best friend at the time, who thought all my dreams were impossible. I knew I could make it happen and that those dreams would come true, but little by little, over time, holes get put in your balloon and so-called reality sets in. I want to be that stubborn girl again!