7.10.10 – Showing Grief

Recently a fellow blogger commented about how most people expect there to be a time limit to grief. They also expect a certain amount of showiness.

In this country we’ve been trained by daytime television and the movies as to how grief should look. We’re supposed to withdraw, but not completely, as the grief should be easily seen by all. We have to be really demonstrative with our grief, which then causes it to dissipate quickly. This may sound silly, but if someone behaves outside this norm, they are assumed to have something wrong with them.

Years ago at a previous job, a faculty member was telling me about how his wife used to work at a particular arts organization. He said her “last straw” was when the executive director’s father passed away and she offered her condolences, which he brushed aside, saying, “he was old.” I found the story so perplexing I couldn’t even comment at the time. Regardless of that executive director being a jackass, which many have said he was, it’s impossible to know what someone is going through and how affected they may be at such a loss, affected in a way they can’t express to others.

Not everyone wants to share their feelings (good or bad) with the world around them, especially with co-workers who they don’t really know. We’re all individuals and experience things differently and should be allowed to show or not show our grief (or any other feelings for that matter) any way we please without judgment.