6.18.10 – Summer in the city

Pictures of teen idols in the window of libraries in order to lure young girls in. Yep, it’s summer time.

6.17.10 – Calm

And finally…calm.

6.16.10 – Off kilter

I’m still a bit off kilter today. I’m not sure if it’s the heat and humidity or other things going on in my life.

6.15.10 – Not quite myself

I’m not feeling quite myself today. Perhaps blinding myself looking at this overhead light and listening to funk will help.

6.14.10 – Tunnel Vision

When I did my looking back video last week, focusing the camera on my driver’s side mirror, I wasn’t able to completely watch what I was filming in order to drive the car. I enjoyed the surprise of seeing things I rarely see, as I’m mostly looking in front and not behind while driving. In my own life I tend to dwell either in the past or dream about the future, forgetting all about the now, which of course leads to the future. I wonder if looking off to the sides could put me more in the now?

6.13.10 – Leap

One of the entertainment complexes near where I live has added a trapeze jump, bringing back memories of Carrie in Sex in the City trying to make the leap on the trapeze. Very rarely do I actually see customers on this trapeze. I suppose there aren’t that many daredevils in the Cincinnati area.

It does make me think of Seth Godin’s blog entry today, which discussed the fact that, even though none of us want to believe it, there are no shortcuts. He ended his piece stating “leaps look good on movies, but in fact, success is mostly about finding a path and walking it one step at a time.” In a time of American Idol mania that is now even encroaching the art world, it seems discouraging to think that it’s all about small, continuous steps, but I think he’s right.

6.12.10 – Never ending Nostalgia

Some things are easier said than done. I swore I was going to stop looking up high school and college classmates on Facebook, but I kept being compelled to do it, which then made me feel creepy enough to put my own high school and college info up. I then did what I hadn’t done in probably twenty years – look at my high school senior yearbook. What’s weird is that even though most of the people were peers at best to me, they consumed so much of my world at that time. I wanted to be like them or be friends with them, yet many of them I just vaguely remember now. Some I remember, and even remember the classes we were in, but I can’t seem to recall certain events mentioned in the yearbook. Time definitely makes things fuzzy.

I think what keeps drawing me back to this time is that I actually enjoyed high school, especially my senior year. It gave me a certain structure I needed, plus provided me an escape from my family. I had finally gotten into the “right” honors classes, as my mother had been oblivious to tests to be taken before entering the school. It also seemed that my intimidation of the classmates who were far prettier than I was (I was in a prolonged awkward phase) and far richer caused me to become more and more reserved. This seemed to intrigue some of them and even make them believe I was calm and confident, as a few noted in my yearbook (if they only knew!).

Part of me wishes I could go back to this time, with what I know now. They might not think me so calm and confident, but I think there might have been more opportunities for relationships than I thought possible in my naïve youth. I’d also like to go back to reclaim all that insane belief in endless possibilities I had at that time. I was so stubborn and unwilling to believe my family or my best friend at the time, who thought all my dreams were impossible. I knew I could make it happen and that those dreams would come true, but little by little, over time, holes get put in your balloon and so-called reality sets in. I want to be that stubborn girl again!